"Fear
I was recently in a situation where I was afraid. I was so afraid that my knees were shaking, my heart was pounding and I was sure I was going to die. Rationally, I knew that I could handle the situation, be brave and strong and get through it. However, I let my fear get the best of me and I gave up. I climbed back down and didn’t jump off that insanely scary 5m diving board, I just wasn’t brave enough. Even after seeing my very brave grade 2 student jump, I was too scared.
When I’m in a situation that makes me fearful, I want to quit, run away and hide. I’ve been a Christian for 3 years and I’m still learning how to rely on God rather than try to just jump on my own. Going to Honduras is going to test me in more ways that I can even imagine. I don’t like change, I don’t really like to travel (I’m much happier at home in my own bed), I don’t even like bugs. I’m a worrier; I’ve been a worrier ever since I could worry. What if I get bitten by a mosquito and get malaria? What if I get lost? (Highly possible, bad sense of direction here) What if it’s so hot I can’t sleep? What if I get sick? What if there’s an earthquake? What if, what if, what if. It would be so much easier to just stay home, no one gets Malaria (here). But, I’m going and I’m excited to go.
I am going to use this trip to Honduras as a chance to fully put my trust in God. I can’t control everything, not even close. I can’t know what’s going to happen, or not happen, and I need to trust in God that it will all work out. This will not be easy for me, I am still very much learning how to let go of the fear that’s been a huge part of my life. I know that He will protect me and everything will turn out exactly as it should but it will still be hard for me to let go of the fear.
I want Honduras to test me, to force me to grow, to make me appreciate my life here even more, to make me compassionate and to scare me. I am sure that our time away will do all of that and, this is the biggest thing, I am going to pray that I am able to give my fear and anxiety up to God and trust in him. I don’t want my fear to hold me back from doing and experiencing anything.
This time I want to jump."
