Roller coaster

Usually I love roller coasters, I love the adrenaline rush, the anticipation and the thrill. My life lately has been a roller coaster.

You know that feeling when the ride is over and you're slowly coasting into the dock at the end? How you feel a rush, tired, thrilled and exhausted. That's where I am right now, I'm just coming back into the dock of my regular life.

Micah went to be with Jesus less than 2 weeks ago but it feels like years. The amount that I have learned and changed and cried has forever changed me.

On Thursday, June 18th, my husband and I got a phone call from his mom saying that his cousin's baby was in the hospital on life support. I blocked the facts from my mind and convinced myself she was fine, a-okay. On the drive to the hospital I remembered one small piece that made my heart sink, she wasn't breathing on her own. I couldn't deny the severity anymore. We arrived at the hospital and Dad (Micah's Dad) was standing out side of her room in emergency with brother (11), sister (9) and littler brother (4). I don't even know what happened that night as we waited for the ambulance to come and get Micah and mom to take them to the big Children's hospital. I remember hugs, tears and fear. After the hospital I came home and wrote that entry, we knew that Micah was not doing well but we didn't know the severity at the time.

Husband and I went to bed planning to get up in the morning and drive the 3 kids to BigCity. At 1:30am, as we were just falling asleep (kinda), Dad called and told us that Micah had no brain activity, the Micah we knew and loved was gone. My husband went to Dad's house and sat up with him and helped him pack (funny side story, between my husband and Dad neither managed to pack any clothes for big brother- he had underwear and socks and one shirt!). It was decided that Dad and brother, sister and brother would fly on the first flight and husband and I would drive their van down. I barely slept that night and husband didn't sleep at all. Husband drove the family to the airport and came home and got me so we could leave for our long drive. Before we left town, we stopped at the school that I work at. Brother and sister both attend and being as it is a small church school everyone knew, and everyone was crying.

We headed out of town and managed to make it just under 3 hours driving before we had to stop for a nap, neither of us could stay awake. It was a long drive. We got a message saying the Micah's heart had stopped, she was gone.

We spent the next 4 days in BigCity with the family and extended family. It was exhausting and uplifting all at the same time. The families are very God focused and it was a time of thanking God as well as mourning. I will never forget holding sister on my lap and singing "Jesus Loves Me" as we both cried. My husband and I were very blessed to be included into the extended family on Mom's side.I feel a bond for those people that, on my end, will never be broken. You cannot cry with someone and then forget them. My husband and I spent a lot of time with Micah's 3 siblings, going to the park, watching movies, talking. Sister said to me, teary of Micah during one particularly hard moment, "well, she was pretty cute... for a turd" and that comment made me laugh and cry even more. It is so wonderful to be able to remember and laugh, not just cry.

The rest of the week, including the drive back up (we borrowed a family members car and drove with Mom, Dad and kids), is a blur. The burial was heartbreaking but the look on Dad's face when our pastor spoke of their reunion in heaven was incredible, he looked so excited. The memorial was a celebration, a remembrance of a little girl with an incredible spirit. Miss Micah moo will not be forgotten and the hole she left behind will be filled with memories.

Micah's parents have taught me more than they will ever know. The strength and grace that they have shown over the past days has been inspiring. I struggle with fear, and seeing how this couple has made it through this incredibly hard time by relying on God and each other has shown me that I too can overcome obstacles in my life, just by relying on God.

If you can, listen to "For Your Glory" by Matt Maher, an amazing song and the one that was played at Micah's memorial.

See you soon little one, see you soon.