Tommy

WARNING: I tend to be overly verbose and my grammar and spelling can on occasion be atrocious, forgive me please?

Good Morning. Oh, it's not a good morning? Would you like to tell me about it? Ohhh, alright then, we'll have to talk later.

I've been working with the group of students who will be my students next year (ack! I'll have students!? I'm not sure it's registered that I'm not the student anymore) and as a group they are really quite lovely. I have 10 grade 1s (to be grade 2s of course) and 4 grade 2s (something in the water here caused there to be a population decline that year apparently). I have a few quirky kids and I really do enjoy them, they keep me on my toes and awake, that's for sure. Upon first meeting my class, grade one Pippy* looked me straight in the eye and said "oh great now I can do even less KUNG-FU!" She then proceeded to give me her best stink-eye. And the funny thing is, she really does do Kung-fu (or her version of it anyways) all the time, karate chopping across the classroom to sharpen her pencil etc. So, my point is that while I have a few kids who will keep me on high alert and ready for anything, I think I should be able to handle them (I've had far worse during my daycare days).

Oh but, Tommy*... now this one may cause me to have the shortest teaching career ever. This little, grade one, boy has had more issues in his short life than most adults I know. He is riddled with self loathing, anger, anxiety and tons of energy that he doesn't know how to expend. Tommy is convinced that no one can love him and he refuses to let anyone try. During my first couple weeks with this class, as a helper, I set it in my mind that I was going to show him that I cared. I feel that I've done a pretty...okay job of this. He's a very hard little boy to keep going back to, to be honest. His teacher at the moment has started a program with him where he gets a smiley face rating for his behaviour for the day. While this seems to work sometimes, mostly just at the end of the day when he realizes he wasn't good for the morning so he tries really hard to be extra good, it is not consistent enough for me to use next year.

Friday was a bad day. Tommy was aggravated and determined to show everyone that it was a day where he was in charge. He refused to come inside in the morning, he threw his water bottle on the floor (and picked it up and threw it again when it was ignored), he laughed loudly during story when it wasn't funny, he informed everyone within earshot that he hated them and told us all how much he hated himself. Ugh, a day. I came home feeling more than a little panicky at the thought of having to deal with that for the next two years, I wasn't sure I could do it. I talked to my husband who said the usual supportive husband things "oh you'll be fine, just pray about it, you'll figure it out, don't worry about it now- that's next year". Um, thanks honey. While I know in many ways he is right, I was too worried to just let it go. I was determined to find a way through to Tommy before, now I'm even more determined. I went online and did a google search for "defiant students". Wow, did I find a lot. I found one website (http://www.behavioradvisor.com/Defiance.html) and while it looks very unprofessional I found a few very good points. What are these points you ask (you just don't want to have to read the whole article, do you!?)...

1. If you came upon an injured animal you would know that it would be likely that this animal could be aggressive and lash out at you. You would go to it with patience, love and a gentle spirit and, be expecting a horrible reaction from the animal. I doubt any of us would just walk away from a hurt kitten saying "well fine then, if you don't want my help then you don't get it, find someone else who'll deal with you" Yet... you see where I'm going with this, don't you? Children who are injured need so much more love, care and attention yet so many of us are unwilling to give it to them. It's my goal to be try to remember that although I can't see Tommy's injuries I know they're there and to treat him accordingly.

2. Don't focus on the negative behaviours. This one sounds obvious, why would anyone do that? However, I believe that the smiley face program that Tommy's teacher is using right now is really doing just that. The top rating is 4 smileys, Tommy has never received 4, 3 sometimes, never 4. I feel that this is just causing him to focus on how he fell short, even if he gets his own personal best of 3. I would like to try a program that he will get a point/sticker every.single.time he does anything good. If he gets a decent amount then he will get a reward, his rewards with me so far have been eating lunch with me and looking up things that he's interested in on my laptop (pirhanas and dinosaurs).

3. Don't tell a child that they are something they don't believe they are. It's an instant reaction to tell Tommy that he's a good boy when he's done something well. If you were in your pajamas, with no makeup, your hair was a mess and you were feeling fat and your husband came home and told you you were beautiful would you have a hard time believe it? I know I would. It's like that with children who don't feel they are good, when we tell them such they figure we're just lying to them. Instead, focus on the actual deed that was done "thank you for sharing your markers, that's being a very good friend".

So, while I'm not feeling overly confident about my ability to teach Tommy and his classmates this September I do feel like I have a few more ideas to arm myself with. I know that with the help and support of the other teachers, my husband and most importantly God, my strength, that I'll make it through and maybe even enjoy myself!

Now, I'm off to get ready for church on this beautiful Sunday morning! Thank you for joining me, I'm looking forward to meeting each and everyone of you. =)

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.